One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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