it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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