the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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