she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
