Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
