before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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