we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
