Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
