Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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