Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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