I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
