I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
