Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
