it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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