its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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