true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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