I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Im part way to drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize