i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize