I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
