Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
