I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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