I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
