She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
