Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
