Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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