And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
