I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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