No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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