Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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