you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
