i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
