I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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