90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
