Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
