have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
