Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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