GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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