I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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