now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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