"it" just moved
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I won the penis lottery.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
