Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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