The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
