At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
