He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
