You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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