My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
