Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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