My first STD was from a foam party
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
