I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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