doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
