I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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