i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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