Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
