the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize