Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
