I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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