alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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