I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
