something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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